Caring burnout

Good works, good deeds, caring acts.

Be kind to others, and kindness will grow in your heart.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Aesop

That is true. But it can feel like a waste sometimes, especially when you become drained and the other person goes about their merry way without so much as a “thank you” or a kind act in return or a “hello” when you pass by them.

But do we want to be kind for the praise or the ROI? No, that is not kindness; that would be an angle, a deal, a selfish act.

You do kind things to show kindness, to make another person smile or feel better or find hope, to make those you care about smile and know they are loved. Remember, love is a choice, not a feeling. Feelings are dependent upon outside influences; love is dependent solely upon your choice. If you show kindness only when you feel like it, then it would often be like an obligation (a response to a kindness that person has done for you), a reciprocal kindness, a tit-for-tat behavior. But if you show kindness regardless, then that truly is a choice to love, to care, to grow.

But can you choose to be too kind too often? Can you burn yourself out on kindness? Can your motives be to care and still be caring too hard?

Caring too hard. Is there such a thing? What does this mean?

According to Google AI…Yes, I’m trying this out… Caring too hard means “to invest an excessive amount of emotional energy and attention into someone or something, often to the point where it becomes detrimental to your own well-being, potentially causing stress, anxiety, or burnout due to feeling overly responsible or burdened by others' needs.”

I would add real needs or imagined needs. There are real needs that we all have in life that very well could require the kindness of another to meet or help us with or through—a caring hand on the shoulder in a time of loss, a meal in a time of poverty, a gift in a time of little—but there are also imagined needs—we assume someone needs help in an area without confirming, a person tells us one thing, and we decide to do a kind act only to find out that they weren’t telling the truth in the first place.

One example could be: let’s pretend that person A has financial wealth far greater than person B, and person B is buried in debt; however, person A also has a budget by which they abide. Yet, when person A speaks to person B, person A says things like, “I can’t afford that,” or “I don’t have the money,” or “I’d like to join or help, but it’s not in my finances.” So, person B pays for person A in a kind gesture, going just a little further into debt, but happy because it brought a smile to person A, lifting their spirits and helping them financially…or so person B thinks, only to later learn that person A is more than comfortable financially while person B is still paying for the kind gesture toward person A. And sometimes, person B knows but is still more than happy to save their own finances while person A incurs more financial burden. This would not be a smart choice by person A, but it would still be a kind gesture.

Caring too hard.

Have you ever felt this in your life? How many of you can honestly say, “been there, done that.”

I can tell you I’ve been there many, many times. You go over and above for some people, and, well, then you yourself are over. Friendships—any relationship—are about a give and take. But what do you do when you are the one who gives and the other is almost always taking? I know it’s better to give than to receive, but without receiving, how are you ever getting refilled to continue giving? Without receiving some amount sometimes, the giver will wane in their giving, the taker will either whine or complain, and the giver will all but soon disappear.

That’s true, too. Many people do not go beyond a request or a reciprocal kindness. If you do act in kindness without waiting to be acted upon first and without expecting anything for yourself in return, then you truly will be on that extra mile, on that uncrowded road, on that lonely road sometimes.

But, I guess, it comes down to this: what’s more important to you, to give or to take? To be kind or to be selfish? To build a good character or not?

I hope we all can learn to not care too hard but choose kindness and never lose it.